The L Word

Okay, m’peeps.

Here’s my gaggle of beautiful babies on Thursday:

Are they...

A) Enjoying a leisurely soak with iPad entertainment to beat the summer heat?

B) Waiting on their clothes to dry because the laundry fairy suspended all services without 30-day notice?

or

C) Waiting the necessary 10 minutes for their LICE treatment to set in before washing it out?

OH HOLY GOODNESS, if you guessed C, you’d be...really really, really unfortunately CORRECT.



So...yup.

Our household has just been through the most GRUELING four days ever.

And I’m just so beyond exhausted, weary, just BEAT DOWN BY LIFE that I can’t even express it properly in words.

Now...lemme back up and start from the beginning with a super quick (have I mentioned the exhaustion???) synopsis of our series of events.

We went on vacation.

We came home and remained happily close to home. Like, the kiddos and I only ventured out twice (briefly) in six days—and one of those times, we didn’t even get out of the car.

Chica randomly started complained of head itching.

I immediately started investigating her scalp. But, nada. (She’s particularly prone to dry skin on her noggin’ and got quite a bit of sun up there during vacay with her hair in a braid.)

She still complained a second day. More investigation. And, nada.

Third day, I was still listening to my Mama gut, going through Chicklet’s hair just to be uber precautious, and...

HOLY EFFING MOTHER OF ALL FOUR-LETTER WORDS.

I spotted what I really hoped to NEVER SEE and said LOTS of four-letter words, basically wanted to crawl into a hole and weep, and then torch the house to the ground.

Now.

I could go into a reaaaaaaallllllly long story here about how the hubby came home that afternoon to help, and we treated everyone immediately, went through EVERY STRAND with a fine toothed comb (LITERALLY), and began the ARDUOUS process of washing and heat-blast-drying EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE.

But the pics of the laundry piles are a much better visual.

The mountain just kept growing...



And growing...



And growing...



And GROWING.



I mean, you get the idea. The laundry was OVERWHELMING. And I spent nine—literally NINE—straight hours without sitting, just cleaning, scrubbing, folding, sanitizing. And literally collapsed well after midnight into a coma.



But the hair. It had been METICOUSLY treated, and we were hoping for the best.



So imagine the absolute gut-wrenching discovery nearly 24-hours later that the situation had NOT been eradicated. Four of us (the hubby never had anything present, the jerk) were STILL not free and clear.

Aaaaaaaaand...you know what happens next.

Treatment ALL OVER AGAIN, along with ALL THE LAUNDRY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, because if ONE of those effers is left alive...DOOM AND GLOOM.

Now, if you’re depressed right along with me at this point, imagine the truly DESPONDENT feeling of discovering the SECOND treatment and household extermination STILL didn’t put a nail in this effing coffin, so...

We had to seek out the professionals.

A clinic, where the girlies and I had to sit this morning and have our scalps blasted with 128-degree heat via a special device, and then medically treated and cleaned—and then pay an INSANE amount for it.

(Little Man was too young for this intensive treatment, so he got the lesser version, and the hubby is still a jerk and free and clear).

I mean, my scalp feels like somebody seriously beat it up and then beat it up some more.

And my bones are so WEARY, DESPONDENTLY tired, because I got to come home from said gloriousness and IMMEDIATELY had to begin the sanitization process ALL OVER AGAIN, and I’m just so tired. And exhausted. And more tired. And weary.

So...I could go on and on and ON about all the just truly terrible things about the past few days, but knowing this affects MILLIONS all the time and has NOTHING to do with cleanliness (helloooo, my kiddos’ have their hair washed sometimes TWICE daily during the summer), I’ll try to minimize the whining and just share some things I’ve learned: 

First:

We’re 99.9% positive we got this glorious “gift” while on vacation. And it makes me want to NEVER want to travel again. BUT...as that’s not exactly feasible or fun, there are some minor things I will be implementing moving forward that are just detractors for these little effers. I’ll share in the future, but if you’re curious, do a little google search of preventative measures before your next hotel stay.

Second:

There is sooooooo NOT a one-and-done solution for this stuff. Even after the clinic treatment, we are looking and days and days of vigilance and follow-up precautionary measures. I always thought you buy the kit, go through the nitty gritty, and you can beat it. But, nooooooo. Buckle in for the long haul—especially if you have multiple kiddos.

Third:

Lice have become SUPER lice. Uber resistant to the treatment kits found in drugstores (even the good kits). Worse still, I always thought of a cliche scenario where you part some hair and—WHAM—teeming critters. But, nooooooooo. These ridiculously invasive and INFURIATING effers are sooooooooooo tiny and IMPOSSIBLE to see (and the EXACT color of my kiddos’ hair), that unless you just have the worst case ever, you have to try HARD to catch something. It’s INTESNE, and will drive you MAD when you’re in bed at night wondering if you missed something microscopic. Because really, the live bugs are one thing, it’s the EGGS that will drive you completely and totally out of your mind.

And now, because nobody needs to hear the words “eggs” when talking about hair, I’m going to wrap this up with a plea to God to PLEASE lighten our burden around here for the next couple of days.

We are weary.

I’m nearing the bottom of a huge container of detergent that I bought three days ago that supposedly handles 64 loads.

And my head hurts.

So...wish us luck.

And less laundry.

Over and out.