Okay, peeps.
This might be the year of the horse, but as I've already stated: it's mostly giving me a swift kick in the arse, not a swift joyride with the wind in my hair!
I'm still tackling my health hiccups, one by one, but it's a slow-going process that's been riddled with ups and downs.
As (bad) luck would have it, I've been battling bronchitis that hit me hard and kept me down all last week.
Worse, still, it forced a cancellation of the little surgery of mine that was supposed to be this week, as the medical team just doesn’t play around with respiratory illness and anesthesia and I couldn’t conceal my heinous condition when they called for pre-op.
I’m not gonna lie: the day I received news of the cancellation, it was a pretty down day. The height of my illness and the depth of my frustration over crap timing and events.
Luckily, I spent just a day having a snotty, hacking-up-a-lung pity party and then adjusted my mood and got my act together, even though I was definitely playing the fake-it-‘til-you-make it game, which…prompted some feels.
Honestly, sometimes I sit back and wonder why the past few months have felt so dang hard when nothing truly catastrophic has happened.
I know so many people with more acute health battles, kiddos with chronic diseases or behavioral conditions, others with career upheavals or financial situations that are taking a toll on their lives and sometimes…it feels silly for me to feel a bit down about my own personal issues when they’re comparatively minor.
But then, I remind myself that pain or stress—or even joy—is not a comparison game.
I don’t have to rank my health challenges compared to others.
I don’t have to justify when I feel low.
I don’t need to explain why my body or my mind feels exhausted.
And I certainly don't need to keep a running clock on how long it takes me to bounce back to 100%.
So why do I still feel the need to???
Is it a gender thing?? Are females simply prone to this justification/comparison behavior?? The hubby is constantly telling me he wishes he could hand over his own male brain and thought processes to alleviate some of my angst because things are so straightforward to him.
Is it a me thing?? Am I just an overly-aware and anxious person when it comes to not presenting as complain-y or woe-is-me? Empathy is a core tenant of my personality—for better and worse. Is it harming me in this regard?
Is it a mother thing?? Am I too closely associated with a bunch of child-rearing women in the same boat, accustomed to putting others first and sweeping all of their own obstacles under the rug?
Is it an occupation thing?? Would I feel less inclined toward this type of self-judgment and incessant rationalization if I had a corporate job that had me in an office from 9 to 5?
I have no clue.
The only thing I do know is that: 1) death by a thousand cuts is still death, and 2) it might never get easier to avoid comparisons and justifications--but, gosh darn it, I'm going to keep trying.
I promise all is well(ish). I do feel like I’ve made it through the worst of a bunch of little things, for now. I’ve had some really great days and weeks mixed in with all the crap, and I’ve been able to recognize that. And my crew is extremely excited about our looming Spring Break plans to stay home and do nothing.
Couldn't come at a better time!
So...onwards and upwards (again, again!)!
Okay. Now. For listening to me drone on about my state of mind, I shall reward you with some fun, random pics of our happenings, of late:
Spring/Easter vibes!
Yep. I did it. I bough a giant, stuffed carrot for Coda girl to enjoy, and...enjoy it, she does. It's hysterical to watch her tackling a crinkly stuffed than that's three times her size, ha. And, better, yet: the hubby or I can be fully standing, holding the carrot for Coda to grab. What an easy "play time" situation. ;)
Next up...hang time with friends! ALL three of the kiddos have had plenty of friend hang-time, lately--both at our casa and at friend's houses. It's been lovely to afford them each, in rotation, some happy-happy-joy-joy time to counteract all the busyness and demands of their school lives, right now.
I don't have many pics of all three of them enjoying their buddies, but I do have some pics of Chica and her friend as they were baking. It's an activity that's really in the sweet spot of teen creativity, right now. Chica has always loved to bake, but I've started to purchase these easy kits to have on hand when one of the girlies has a friend over and they want something to do that's fun and not too childish.
If you watch any of the Food Network backing shows, you know and love Duff, like we do. These kits (the first was one I purchased for Chica for Valentine's Day) have been so easy-breezy perfect.
With pre-measured ingredients and not much to add (beyond butter and fresh items like eggs), the kits have been a total win. :)
Here's another baking adventure that Chica completed solo, from a cake pop kit one of her friends gifted her for Valentine's Day. Can you tell she's kind of known for loving to play around in the kitchen when time allows?
As a side note: I swear I love and adore all my freaking children, but Chica's by far the most willing photography subject, these days, so she ends up in more of the pics! It just is what it is!
Next up...we're in the sweet spot of some glorious Springtime weather, right now. It will be gone in the blink of an eye, since we are in South Texas, but...I'm enjoying it while it lasts!
Gorgeous sunsets, perfect temps for evening walks, beautiful skies, and...even a double rainbow a couple weeks ago as we sat down for dinner!
It was beauuuuutiful.
Rainbows ALWAYS appear for us in roughly the same location (perhaps because we're more prone to afternoon/early evening rain showers that end in sun?) and for this particular one, we had a fantastic view from the playroom of nearly the whole, dang rainbow!
And, another really stunning sunlight/nature shot:
Isn't that gorgeous?? I've spent some time looking up the phenomenon of when the sun appears with a ring of rainbow color around it, and though there are conflicting opinions--plus a whole lot of scientific explanations--the consensus is that it's a harbinger of positive things.
I snapped that pic one early morning on a walk with Coda girl, on one of the first pleasant weather days following our cold weather. It certainly seemed to channel change and upward momentum...at least, for me. :)
Other fun randoms include...Chicklet during one of her flu days a few weeks ago, when I gifted her a stuffed Dobby as one of her Valentine prizes. Poor girl had been down and out for days at that point, and it was nice to see her smile. She's such a teen these days, definitely aging up in all regards, but...she still enjoys a good stuffed animal. :)
Another random I never managed to post: heart-shaped biscuits from Chick-fil-A on Valentine's Day!
And, last but not least: significant honorable mention goes to the hubby, who's been in the weeds of life with me (always, but in particular, the past two months). When I'm sick, he has a wonderful way of just diving in and helping with my responsibilities, but...it does wear on him, over time.
The clear and obvious sign when his tank is empty: falling asleep on the couch (and, please note Coda girl asleep at the other end, ha.)
Thankfully, this was a couple weeks ago, and I'd like to think we've made a tiny bit of progress since then (bronchitis, notwithstanding), but...it's always a poignant thing to see how run-down he gets--especially because he never admits it.
This is literally our first Spring Break without any sort of travel or event plans since our kids have been school aged, and...that feels major. But, boy, does it feel RIGHT for us, this year.
I really, really hope we're able to sit on the couch so long we get uncomfortable. And sleep so late we miss some meals. And generally decompress to the point that we can collectively power through this final nine weeks of the school year!
March. Is. Here.
And I know I said this when December turned to January, and then when January turned to February, but...I feel like positive vibes are coming!
More, soon, peeps!
Over and out!
