Chica’s Cell Phone Milestone

Okay, peeps.

We hit a major milestone last week within our family. 

Quick clue: it was a digital one.

And since I have a nearly-middle school age kiddo, and it’s the year 2023, I’m pretty sure you can guess what I’m about to type.

That’s right. We finally caved. It happened. We gifted Chica a cell phone for her 5th grade graduation and now we’re just waiting for the apocalypse.

(I kid…but, not really.)

The smile you see below, on my beloved firstborn’s face??

Yeah, I shared this pic in a precious post about Chica’s graduation, and you might have thought she was just beaming over her amazing academic milestone, but…nope. That giant smile was all thanks to the phone in her hand. Her very own phone. UGH.

Now. 

Let’s rewind a whole lot and talk big picture and our very specific household thoughts regarding cell phones and kids and how we prepared for this major milestone…starting with timing.

The hubby and I had been stalwart holdouts on the digital front and had zero intentions of giving Chica a cell phone before now. And, honestly, it hadn’t ever really been an issue.

Of course, a couple years ago, instances of friends with phones started popping up, but their valid reasons for having a phone just didn’t apply to us, at all. And for the most part, the question would arise: when am I going to be allowed to have a phone?? and we’d answer with a middle school age and move on to another topic of discussion.

However.

A major shift began, about half way through fifth grade, and the kiddos (or rather, the parents’ willpower?) started dropping like flies. 

Around Christmas, sooooo many of Chica’s formerly phone-less friends suddenly had one, and I had to start doing a bit more research and educating myself on the milestone a bit more.

Prior to digging into some studies, I would have guessed that the cell phone milestone came with negative behavioral links and associations in kiddos, but that’s just not the case.

Additionally, I would have guessed that the average age for kiddos receiving a phone was a bit higher, but…nope. We’re pretty much spot on with our timing. 

One recent study stated that 91% of kiddos have cell phones by age 11 (this still boggles my mind, for so many reasons), and another, from last year, breaks down the ages a little more specifically:

I mean…the statistics are there, no matter the source you consult. This is just the age—the middle school milestone—when most children acquire a phone, if they haven’t already, and I suppose seeing the black and white numbers helped ease my mind a bit.

So. Statistically speaking, I was starting to think graduation might be good timing to keep Chica smack dab in the middle of the bell curve, but I also had to start thinking about things from a practicality standpoint, as well.

They say that necessity is the mother of invention, and I’m going to go ahead and interchangeably use that word “invention with “advancement,” as well. And, by that, I mean that Chica reached an age and maturity level within this past year where we trusted her to watch her siblings for very brief periods of time, but we couldn’t leave her without a way to call in case of emergency.

I mean…nobody has landlines anymore! And in case of loss of internet service, Chica wouldn’t even be able to send an emergency message through her iPad, so…we absolutely couldn’t leave her in charge without also leaving one of our phones behind for her, and that was…complicated. 

Also: don’t get me started on the times when it would have been nice to communicate with Chica at an after school or extra-curricular event. It was becoming clearer that a phone was on our near horizon.

So…to recap. Cell phone-appropriate age? Check. No negative developmental impact? Check. The rising need for a device for safety and communication? Check.

Now.

The last straw in this whole decision was basically this: in the absence of her own device, combined with the rising number of her little friend’s getting phones, MY STINKING CELL became the conduit for Chica’s communication.

Chica started passing out my number to her friends and over time, more of my incoming messages were her sweet little friends saying: Hi, Chica’s Mom; may I please talk to Chica?

So basically, I was becoming Chica’s glorified secretary, ha. And I already have more than enough communication to wade through on any given day without adding my child’s messages to that massive heap!

So.

We finally decided it was going to happen sooner than we originally planned, and we thought graduation might be the ideal time, as it would allow Chica to: 1) keep in touch with her friends over the summer, and 2) get the new phone excitement out of her system before Fall and the launch of middle school.

Knowing this was all coming, we watched the status of my own phone and its upgrade timing, and as soon as I hit that mark, we set everything in motion.

Typically, I would never think of handing over an iPhone to a child and would just go with a cheaper, simpler device. But. My old phone was paid for, had lived through cracked and repaired screens, and was an operating system Chica was already comfortable with—not to mention the ease of syncing her up with our family sharing through Apple, so…we just went for it.

I bought a new phone case that felt like Chica to me, spent some time wiping the old phone and giving it a whole new life, and then headed to the store with the hubby to officially start service on a separate line, and—gasp!—hand select Chica’s very own cell phone number (the pressure!).

Then I spent gobs of time speaking with friends, doing additional research, consulting with the hubby, and determining our own household guidelines and restrictions before wrapping that device up for Chica’s graduation day.



So. This is where we’ll likely deviate from many other parents who hit this milestone, and really show our conservative tendencies, and that’s totally fine with me. To each their own!

For us, the very first step to Chica’s cell phone life with a contract. A very lengthy, five-page, detailed contract with sections for both parent and child to sign, that would lay the groundwork for our household “rules”.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve accumulated some wonderful Mama friends in the past couple of years, and one of them with older teenagers (who I know and love through my Pure Barre class) shared this amazing contract with me. It was exactly the framework I needed at exactly the right time (about six months ago, when this milestone was first percolating).

I was able to tailor the contract in a way that worked for our household, and, honestly, it provided a fantastic and detailed guideline for talking through sooooo many things with Chica. Issues and situations I might not have thought of or included prior to reading things through. It was a great blessing to us and I’ve since shared it with parent friends who’ve requested it.



The second very conservative part of Chica’s cell phone usage: she will have no social media whatsoever. Because, while there may not be a negative impact on a child receiving a phone, the negative impact of social media on children and teens (and adults) is ASTOUNDING. And irrefutable. 

The hubby and I are the last living dinosaurs who engage in zero social media—and I truly mean zero; we have no digital presence, other than this here blog or an antiquated networking platform required by an employer—so our children will have a hard time convincing us of the “need” for it when we function as perfectly fulfilled and happy and connected adults without it. 

For two decades now, people have told me I’m going to eventually “need” insert whatever is the latest platform or I won’t be able to keep up/know what’s going on/monitor my children, and quite frankly, it’s just not true.

Moreover, I’ve finally reached an age in life where more of my friends applaud the fact that I don’t engage in these online platforms, and routinely have to take breaks from said platforms themselves, for all sorts of reasons. 

I know that many of you are shaking your head over this, calling me naive, and that’s totally great. Things might change in the future and I might have to adjust my stance or restrictions on behalf of my children. I’ll be the first to admit—and I’ve admitted freely to Chica—that we are learning together. She’s never had a phone and I’ve never had a child with a phone. We’re navigating this path together. And learning as we go.

And that’s the key: that we’re doing this together.

We will continue to discuss and evolve and learn best how to incorporate a device into her life without it overtaking her life and I know we’ll gain a lot of experience along the way. We don’t know what we don’t know, but…we’ll get there. Any I’m okay with that. :)

Some people have asked what type of day-to-day guidelines we’ve set and here’s where we’ve started: Chica can check her phone during the summer after breakfast, lunch and dinner. She won’t keep it on her person and it will remain in a central location when she’s not using it.

Additionally, to help give her some sort of timing guidelines as well as freedom of choice: she has a certain number of minutes each day on her phone and she can choose when to use those minutes. So far, it’s working well, we give and take a little as needed, and it helps to keep her phone time from becoming a free-for-all.

Our girl is growing up, connecting with friends in a deeper way, and building trust with us that signifies this timing was right for her. But every child and every household is different, and everyone has to navigate a digital life in a way they can live with. 

I’m equal parts excited and scared to see how this cell phone life evolves in the coming months, and I know I’ll be sharing updated posts on this front.

But in the meantime…join me in praying for these babies who are growing up in such a different world than we did. The land mines are plentiful and permanent, and there’s little room for error, but the blessings of such communication and connection are abundant, as well. 

We’ll just hope for more good than bad!

Okay…more in the coming days about our upcoming summer plans! The fun (and terror of the kiddos underfoot) is upon us.

Until then…HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND, peeps!

Over and out.