Less Is More!

Okay, peeps.

This one's going to be a bit more of a cerebral post.

In fact, it should probably fall under Big Picture Posts, as it's a general thought rambling about my current phase and stage of parenting.

So, with that said: abandon before entering, if that ain't your jam! Don't say you weren't warned. ;)

(Brief pause for peeps to scurry away before proceeding).

Okay...heeeeere we go!

(Oh! And one final note: to keep you from expiring from boredom over reading so much, I'm going to pepper in some random pics of my kiddos. M'kay? M'kay.)

Now.

It's no surprise that I have squarely transitioned into the Middling Years of my Raising Kiddos Journey.

I no longer identify with being a parent of "young" kids, and I've shared many posts related to that topic, like these:

https://delappenings.blogspot.com/2024/08/middle-grade-kiddos.html?m=1

https://delappenings.blogspot.com/2024/10/lower-expectations-for-win.html?m=1

In fact, if you want to get official, let's do some math (insert groaning):

Based on my number of kiddos and their age spread, I've got 22 official years with them underfoot before they graduate High School and spread their wings.

And, yes, of course, I know that's best laid plans and I might have them around for any number of transitional years beyond that (Is it wrong to have some delusional, wishful thinking on that front? I kid...kind of.), but just looking at the cold, hard facts, 22 is my starting point.

(Anybody feeling like singing some Taylor Swift right about now? If you know, you know.)

Anywho.

22 is the starting point.

Taking it one (terrifying, sobering, astounding!) step further, here's a wild statistic that's oft-quoted:

By age 18, parents will have spent roughly 90% of the time they will ever spend with their children in their lifetime.

Say, what?!!! (Please pause while I go and cry in my Cheerios!).

WORSE, STILL, there's another statistic (that I might have to kinda sorta call a little bit of a sliding scale bluff on):

By age 12, parents will have spent roughly 75% of the time they will ever spend with their children in their lifetime.

I mean...STOP IT.

I might have thrown up a little and doubled over like I'd been punched in the gut when I read that one. Especially considering the fact that, by March, I will have not one, but two children 12 or older...with my third quickly approaching that benchmark!

Within the past six months--or, honestly, maybe even the past three months, with the onset of Chica launching her final year of middle school--my heaviest conversation topic with fellow parents has shifted significantly toward how much time our kiddos have left at home before they graduate from freaking High School. And I'm not gonna lie: the whole idea of this downhill slide has me a little scared!

Why does it have me scared?

I think like most parents, it's likely: 1) the fear of the unknown, and 2) the rapid passing of time, 3) the stress over High School demands and the fast-approaching heinousness of College tuition!

But the crux of it is this: these years are precious.

Blessedly, I say a million prayers on a regular basis, thanking God for the presence of mind to actually be present in these golden years of parenthood. Even on the days (and there are many!) when I feel like pulling my hair out and screaming into a pillow.

It's fleeting.

It's beautiful.

It's demanding.

It's a wild, unpredictable ride, peeps.

And it is pretty unbelievable to recognize that I am, statistically, on the downhill slide of it all (gasp).

THAT SAID.

It's a common belief/feeling/lament/complaint among myself and my fellow parents that the physical parenting demands are toughest with younger kids, but the emotional (and I dare say, even logistical) parenting demands are toughest with older kids, and I am experiencing that, 100%.

My kids are amazing and stable, and I don't think they're experiencing anything too far above and beyond the regular rigors of growing up, but, even so: HOLY COW,  IT'S EXHAUSTING.

I just had a conversation with the hubby the other night during our Coda-pup walk, bemoaning the fact that I think it's time for me to "level up" my thoughts on my "free" time, once again.

When Chica entered 6th grade, there was a bit of a reckoning year, where I had to come to terms with the fact that schedules were more jam-packed, demands on our time were more plentiful, and things were just different in a new way.

And, alas...I think it's time for another mental readjustment.

No surprise, really, as I now have two kiddos in middle school. This should probably have been expected. And, yet. I don't think any parent can ever truly be prepared for just how much is on the plate for any given child, and when you have multiples, it's exponentially tougher.

I do actually have a point to all of this beyond word-vomiting all of my fears and angst over my aging kiddos, ha. And that point is this:

I recently had a wonderful situation where I realized I am not currently feeling the pull toward a significant level of volunteering related to my kiddos' activities, because I just DON'T HAVE THE CAPACITY.

This epiphany actually happened when I was sitting in on an Orientation Meeting for the launch of Chicklet's Confirmation year.

I think it's important, contextually, to note that it was my fourth parent orientation meeting within an 8-day period (Orchestra, Band and Theater Arts had come on nights prior), and it was just sobering to sit there and think through all of the familial demands on our collective time.

The incredible peeps who run the Confirmation program were basically making a plea for any parent volunteers who were able to pinch hit and give some more of their time, and this would have typically been a point where I'd cave and sign myself up for yet another obligation, but I literally sat there in the pew and thought: absolutely not; I literally don't have the time.

This feeling of don't-even-think-about-it, there is literally no way to add another thing to your list was so strong and such a RELIEF (if I'm being honest), that I actually got emotional on the car ride home and had a whole conversation with God (sounds dramatic, I know, but I was alone in the car, ha), thanking Him for lifting that burden from my heart at this time. For removing the guilt that I usually feel when I say NO to something, and leaving only a sense of peace that adding to my list of to-dos, even for something Godly like Confirmation (!) was NOT in the cards for me, and that preserving my time for my kids was so much more important.

Truly, my kids are in need of SO MUCH of my time, attention and COUNSEL, these days.

It's a bit overwhelming when they make it home from school in their staggering time frames and we start powering through homework and lessons and extracurricular and meals, and--most notably--any challenges or mental situations they need to talk through. 

I end every night feeling very much spent.

Granted, it's a kind of satisfied, fulfilled kind of spent that I'm doing hard work, pouring into my kiddos my time and love and support,

But...IT. IS. WORK.

And we don't typically wrap up homework and the bedtime counseling sessions until close to 10 o'clock, and at that point, I typically want to just stare at a blank wall in silence.

I am grateful that I still feel Called to be present for my kiddos and really pour myself into them, as much as humanly possible. But in order to have that capacity, it means I have to preserve more of my cup in other areas of my life.

And that means continuing to practice the art of saying no (it's very, very hard for me), and reminding myself that I really, truly have to think through the Greater Good of what I'm signing up for, and if it will negatively impact my kids, by draining my cup and taking away my capacity to pour into them.

I know it won't always be this way.

Obviously, if the statistics above are accurate, it most definitely won't always be this way!

I've been told (many times, by many people), that I'll look back on these intense years and wish I was still in the throes of them, and I do believe that!

Again: parenting is SO demanding, SO rewarding, and SO fleeting--which accounts for the beauty of it.

I'm learning, every day, what I need and what my kids need, to be at our best--mentally, emotionally, and physically in this phase and stage.

And I'm just grateful for the ability to sit back and be able to analyze it through the lens of all the micro-adjustments that are necessary right now.

Okay. If you're still with me, this concludes the latest installment of rambling parenting musings on this here blog.

Hopefully, you enjoyed the few, random pics I peppered throughout to give you something other than copious amounts of text!

Much more soon, peeps, as I'm able!

Until then...over and out. :)