If Mama Ain't Happy

Okay, peeps.

GOODNESS.

Where to even begin with this one???

I suppose there's nothing to do but dive right off the deep end (ironically, much like my hormones and general state of health).

And if that's not its own disclaimer to proceed with caution if you're not interested in reading about my downward trajectory of late, well...I don't know what is!

WITH. THAT. SAID. Let's do this!

Beginning with a statement of fact:

I'm not exactly in the best place, health-wise, and I've been trending that way for a solid two years.

There. I said it. It's out there. Whew!

However (and this should really be a HOWEVER), I know that All Things Wonky with my health can and will be addressed and fixed, and I do very much believe that nearly all of my issues stem from the fact that I am a woman of a certain age (there, I typed it; it's also out there and it makes me feel like an old crone, but it's TRUTH I speak).

Which leads me to my second statement of fact:

I am a middle-aged woman in perimenopause.

Like, blood work confirmed perimenopause.

And though the blood work to confirm this is recent, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have been in perimenopause for several years, now--which is, of course, in direct correlation with many of my health challenges.

So...what are those health challenges, you might ask??? (Abandon now if you don't want a laundry list).

• Erratic and overly-frequent menstrual cycles.
• Excessive bleeding.
• Severe anemia due to excessive bleeding.
• Increased pain (back, leg, uterus, hip) related to my menstrual cycles.
• Brain fog (hello...did I mention severe anemia?).
• Anxiety (like, anxiety).
• Heart arrhythmia.
• Mood swings (do not ask my husband about this one).
• Insomnia.
• Recurrent UTIs (when I've never had them in my life).
• Erratic migraine complications (just...ughhhh).
• Fatigue.
• Sahara-level dry skin.

Basically...yup. Not a great plethora of symptoms.

And so many that are interrelated.

Which means it's really hard to pull apart the threads and find the origin of any single one. Or to find and address the most critical issue(s) in the hopes that it domino-helps some others.

As a side note...I absolutely must share my favorite graphic of all time that relates to this subject. At a recent doctor's appt, this visual made me cackle like an insane witch, and I have since shared it with everyone I know, because it makes me feel so validated. I mean, who could possibly stay level amidst this roller coaster of hormones?!

Okay, now back to my whole downward trajectory...

Welp.

Lucky for you reading this...I'm going to skip past several years and several boring recaps of doctor's visits and tests, and sonograms and medicines and blood panels and wait-and-see approaches and let you know the latest and greatest EVENT that finally led to results. 

A couple weeks ago, I landed in the ER not once but twice in a single day, and by the time I was there the second time, I was in such a bad way (heart arrhythmia, profuse vomiting, head-splitting pain so bad I thought it would explode, numbness in my hands and face and uncontrollable body shaking) that they called a code, thought I was stroking out, swarmed me in triage, rushed me into a CT with contrast of both my head and heart and...to avoid unnecessary suspense, let me just say that...

I'm okay. (I mean, relatively speaking, ha.)

No stroke. No blockage of the heart. But rather, a very SEVERE onset migraine and nervous system response to a lot of stuff that I won't bore you with, but...it was bad.

Needless to say...I spent that week feeling pretty beat up. Bruised knees (from such intense vomiting, bruised arms (from multiple IVs), insanely delicate head (from multiple migraines), sore stomach (again, the vomiting), fatigued muscles (from the intense hours of body shakes), and a heart that was jumping all over the place.

Welp. Fast forward to a week or two later, when I had the "joy" of an endometrial biopsy that involved the doc manually--without warning--dilating which led to a full 24 hours of labor contractions and the exhaustion of feeling like you've, well, been through labor. I mean...joy.

Have I mentioned how beat up my body has felt post-January???

BUT. It's all been working toward a greater purpose, because...

A few days after the biopsy/contraction fun, I got word that I'm approved for a uterine surgery I very desperately want and believe will significantly improve my general state of wellness (and this has been confirmed by every woman I know who's experienced this surgery).

Additionally, last week (ironically, the same day as the biopsy), I found a great, new (to me) cardiologist to help me check into my current arrhythmia.

For reference, arrhythmia is nothing new to me (I have a hyper-sensitive heart--both physically and metaphorically; along with a mitral valve prolapse), and I've often been under the care of a cardiologist. It's just time for a check in and a deep dive, so...I'm currently sporting a spiffy heart monitor for a week before some other tests to investigate my ticker.

Lastly...I now have a new hormone therapy doctor through my GP's office who I very much adore and I believe will help set me on a path of greater stability in all things perimenopause. I have no clue if I will actually choose hormone replacement therapy as a path for me, but...I'm very grateful to have a doctor who I respect and connect with, so I can discuss any and all options.

And, I have a fun little heart monitor for a week, so I'm basically like Iron Man (it's top of mind because we just watched it as a family)--you know, if you ignore the monitor positioning and pretend I'm way cooler than I actually am, ha.

Basically...I'm just a SHITE SHOW, these days.

It was an extremely challenging month--especially when you stop and think about the fact that all of the above was coming to a head just as we were coming off of Little Man's hospitalization for flu-related myositis, and Chica's ER visits related to her extended flu illness. 

I mean...it's just been a lot. A lot, a lot.

But for now, let's circle back around to the crux of the post title (If Mama Ain't Happy) and talk about the most unbelievable side-effect of my own health decline:

My health challenges tanked my dear Coda pup's health so badly that, just a few days after my ER stay, Coda girl was admitted to the doggy hospital with a very severe and sudden onset of HGE (Acute Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis) brought on by--you guessed it--ANXIETY and STRESS.

HGE can be linked to bacteria infections, etc., and causes intense, bloody vomiting and diarrhea, but since her labs came back clean, it was determined that her health was literally tanking because she was anxious about her beloved Mama.

I mean...if that's not a kick in the you-know-what when you've already got enough on your plate, I don't know what is!

HGE can be so scary in tiny dogs like Coda that they can go into shock and pass. We were lucky to get her to the vet right away, and get her fluids and five (yes, FIVE) prescription medications and then the past two weeks of tender loving care, but...it was a lot to add into the mix at a time when life already felt like a whole lot, from solely a health perspective. 

Here we are, smiling like fools (despite our collective exhaustion) when she was discharged from her hospital care:

Sporting matching wounds from our IVs, no less!

She spent more than a week snuggling, resting her weary little body, and ingesting all the meds to get her back on track. And every day, I tried to assure her that I was okay so that she could be okay. Ridiculous, I know, but apparently necessary for this little codependent fur baby of mine!

Honestly, Coda's health tank really underscored the fact that the saying exists for a reason:

If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy

Mothers are often the nucleus that holds a family together. And when they tank, a lot of things tank--badly.

Don't get me wrong: the hubby is essential and beloved in our family life. We literally couldn't do what we do without him! But there's something unique to a mother not operating at her best and how it ripples outward among the entire household, and...it's certainly something I've been witnessing and reckoning with, firsthand.

Okay. So. What happens now???

First, my little surgery will hopefully happen in early March. Woohoo! And I think that will help so many aspects of my physical and mental health.

Second, we have plans to stay home as a family for Spring Break, and never have we ever been so excited for some lounge time. Our crew desperately needs it!

Third, I'm still pursuing my full cardio work-up to make sure all is structurally sound.

And, fourth, I have a hormone follow-up in March to talk through potential options, post-surgery, to see how I might get to a happier and more stable place in my health.

All. Will. Be. Well. 

I keep saying over and over that all of these things can be addressed and fixed. And do you know what's so beautiful???

As I've been transparent with friends and acquaintances about my health woes, I always--like, always--feel a little less alone in my journey because everyone has something going on that the world might not know about.

I mean...just today, at my Barre class, there was another woman also wearing a heart monitor. Wild!

Not to mention the number of women I've held impromptu therapy sessions with at school events when I verbal diarrhea about my current state of health and they reciprocate! We are all in this together as women of a certain age, dealing with changes and challenges, and I find it to be so connective to talk about it instead of hiding it away. (I mean, obviously, or I wouldn't share in such detail on this here blog!).

It's such a lesson in empathy, right? The idea that what we see when we pass someone on the street is literally just the tip of the iceberg.

We all have a whole lot going on under the surface. Mentally, physically, emotionally. So...be kind to one another and never assume you know what someone is going through. Who knows? It might make a world of difference to someone who might really need it. 

So there you have it.

The high level events of my life, of late!

I gotta tell you: I'm SO happy to have January in the rearview, and I very much hope it's onward and upward from here!

Happy Hump Day, peeps!

Over and out.