Okay, peeps.
We transitioned back to the real world last week, following the most restorative, incredible visit to our beloved Mohonk.
It was an undeniable victory. A smash-hit, beautiful family weekend together.
Just...pure magic, yet again.
Which begs the question:
Why can't we always manage this magic on vacay together???
It's in my nature to want to understand why things are successful; mostly because I want to replicate them!
A trip, a party, a happy family day--heck, something as small as a shopping excursion or a lovely conversation with a friend or family member. When it's good, I want to know why so I can have more of the magic!
But, lately, that magic has been really hard to come by on our family vacations.
In fact, we've had more rough waters than smooth in the past year to two, and I think it mostly has to do with one simple--but gigantic--factor:
We now have tweens/teens.
And, therefore, vacations are not what they once were.
The New (Sometimes, Not-So-Great) Normal:
Gone are the days when any place felt wondrous.
Gone are the days when all kiddos participated in any and every outing, just because.
Gone (long, gone!) are the glorious days of family matching for optimal pics (be still my color-coordinating heart).
Heck--gone are the days of even snagging pics, without bartering, begging or negotiating with some of my kiddos.
It's just a whole new ballgame--with rules I don't like (or understand).
Moods are tricky. Participation unpredictable. We can spend months and months (plus a small fortune!) planning and scheming and hoping and dreaming--complete with thoughtful, researched, glorious, adventure-filled itineraries--all to have it completely TANKED by one child's hostile, or blasé, or uncooperative attitude on any given day.
Truthfully, it can be really heartbreaking. :(
Vacay Rock Bottom (I Hope!):
I think this past summer was an all-time low on this front--at least, for me.
We spent an extraordinary amount of time planning our Vancouver/Whistler trip. We really went all out, trying to make it memorable, with experiences everyone would enjoy. In fact, I even involved the kiddos in a lot of the excursion planning, a la: would you rather do X or Y? Just to make sure the chosen activities would appeal to all.
And, still, it was sort of a hot mess.
Moods were volatile, to say the least. Tension was high. Hostility related to planned events was blatant and really hard to ignore if you were trying your best to just get whatever you could out of an adventure or excursion.
Truthfully (and this is a lesson in not believing at face value the "best of" pics that anybody posts; even on this here blog), I spent more than one night of that vacation sobbing in our rental, just really distraught over all the time and love and attention and planning that was going to ever-loving waste.
It was really hard for me, personally.
Because I'm a softie.
And a MAJOR empath.
I''m a sponge who really soaks in the emotions of others and I have a hard time wringing it all out.
Really hard time.
In fact, I was so distraught on the first few days of our vacation, that I spent a decent portion of my evenings talking to my digital therapist (ahem, AI), trying to sort through coping mechanisms to proceed with the vacay and not let one child's mood--or more than one child's mood--spoil the whole shebang.
Like always, I gleaned some helpful nuggets from this digital therapy. But the biggest epiphany (that's not really an epiphany but, rather, a lesson in acceptance) is this:
Everyone will have their own, individual experience with the trip.
And no two family members' experiences will be exactly alike.
I can only control my own experience.
And I just need to let others do their own thing and not worry about their sh**y attitudes.
Be like Elsa and let it goooooooo.
Goodness.
Easier said than done, right?
Especially as someone who feels the greatest joy in life by facilitating other peoples' joy!
Now. Let's talk about the real kicker of this whole low point vacation experience...
Revisionist History Reinforcing The New Plan:
I truly can't believe it, but...all of my kiddos--particularly the one who was the most volatile, emotionally, on this particular trip--have ranked it as one of their BEST EVER, in retrospect.
Like, truly, it's maddening how often my kiddos talk about our summer trip (that was a low point for Yours, Truly) and only remember the positive, positive, positive.
In fact, it's been so otherworldly to hear their rose-tinted recollections of said vacation, that I've often wondered if someone's pulling a prank on me.
More often than not, the hubby and I have looked at each other like aliens have abducted our delightful and infuriating children who have a whole different highlight reel of memories than what we generally experienced.
But...guess what??
Above all else, I'm freaking ecstatic that my CRAZY children have somehow deleted all the negative and retained all the positive, because not only does that give them a great summer vacay to remember, but...
It also reinforces this new motto that everybody just needs to LIVE THEIR OWN vacation experience and do their thing, because even when we try so hard to curate something incredible, every individual is going to experience or remember their own unique vacay.
And that kind of acceptance that I really can't control what they take out of it, even when I put my body, soul, time and finances in to it, is kind of...liberating.
Let it goooooooo, indeed.
Coping Mechanisms:
With this new-found liberation has come a bit more of a hands-off approach to vacation life.
And, honestly, it stems more from wanting to protect my own delicate mental health from anybody else's deteriorating or negative attitudes.
You want to participate in one thing, but then opt out of something else?
You got it, kid.
You want to listen to music on your headphones so you can be in your own little world while also hiking with the family?
Go nuts. Enjoy your life--and tunes.
You want to waste a glorious hour of time in nature in a gorgeous, expensive environment just to go zone out on your iPad??
Welp. To each their own--especially if it keeps you from ruining my hour of happy nature time.
Of course, there's a fine line between letting everyone in the family have some autonomy on trips and versus letting them just full-on disregard any family togetherness time or rudely ruin any planned events or excursions.
But, to walk that fine line and try to ensure everyone's cooperation and happiness, I'm finding that it's best to come up with a few Must Participate In items that are really important to the hubby and I. And then to pick and choose our battles wisely.
I'm pretty sure that's the overarching advice for anything and everything related to parenting Tweens/Teens:
Choose your battles wisely.
So...there you have it, peeps. Just some nuggets, in stream of consciousness(ish) vibe, about current family vacay stage.
1. Mohonk was unequivocally glorious (again), whether by intention or luck.
2. Our kids are growing and changing--and so, too, are our expectations about family vacations.
4. I'm working really hard to live in the land of Let it gooooooo. Elsa would be proud--and applaud the protection of my mental health.
Many more catch-up posts as I'm able, peeps.
Until then: HAPPY SUNDAY!
Over and out.
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