College Savings

Baby Girl has a piggy bank--that's actually a sheep bank.

But it's no ordinary, run-of-the-mill sheep bank. It's a Potty-Mouth Bank. Or rather, a Baaaaaahd Word Bank, hehe. Its permanent home is here on the shelf with her other pretties:

I've decided to charge people a quarter for every baaaaahd word uttered in Baby's Girl's presence, 'cause I'm the Mama, and I get to make arbitrary rules in mi casa.

If only the rule had been instituted in the first two weeks after her birth, during my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, horrifically painful, teeth-grinding, entire body clenching, oh-so-wretched breast infection, I would have funded four years of college. And perhaps a year or two of graduate-level studies. And perhaps the first semester of some Doctoral work. But I wasn't coherent enough to think of the Baaaaahd Word Bank back then. I was only thinking of the pain. And the ticking clock between feedings. And the liar, liar pants-on-fire lactation consultants who told me breastfeeding should never, ever hurt. That it should be rainbows and fairies, and all fun, all the time, from the get-go.

But, I digress.

Back to the bank.

Now that my cursing has gone back down to reasonable levels (i.e. only to be expected during times of extreme hormonal turbulence and/or horrific sleep deprivation), and my slip-ups can't yet be reported or mimicked by the 8-week-old infant I share my days with, I'm gonna have to rely on the foul mouths of beloved friends and family. And in this endeavor, I know they won't disappoint ;)

For the time being, only your traditional four-letter baddies will count. But the hubby and I have discussed a handful of other words that won't be used by our kiddo (if we can possibly help it). Here's the small but sure-to-be-growing list:

• Sucks
• Fart
• Butt (There are too many creative alternatives available, like heiny, tushy, bottom, or rump.)
• Mother fudger (This one's gonna kill me. It's a staple of my vocabulary, but only bad things can come of a child trying to pronounce it accurately without confusion.)

The list is a work-in-progress.

But then again, aren't we all?