(Warning: pretty verbal post tonight, but an update for those following our trials and tribulations.)
Boy (or "wow" or "my"), you have your hands full.
Not a single person seems to pass us by without offering up some version of the above. And I suppose I'd think the same if I passed any woman resembling my baby-in-Bjorn, toddler-in-stroller, older-toddler/butterfly-holding-hand self.
But the truth is, while I'm certainly aware that my hands are full, my heart is much lighter these days due to one single factor: a breakthrough with Chica's sleep troubles.
I mentioned something in a post last week, but was afraid to elaborate until some time had passed. But it's been about ten days now since the breakthrough (or, perhaps, you might say, breakdown), so I'm feeling pretty safe to spill.
So there I was, a week ago this past Sunday, facing a two-week-old needing to nurse, chores to be done, and visions of me flying solo with all three kids in the near future, when I sort of snapped.
I gathered Chica and the hubby together, explained to Chica that it was time for her to start doing Quiet Time alone in her room again (with a nap being her choice). Then I went though a comforting routine with her of reading stories, chatting a bit, and getting all cozy in her bed. And left.
And immediately, her tears and wailing began.
Well, call it postpartum hormones, sleep deprivation, exhaustion from 6-8 weeks of battling her on both the Quiet Time and bedtime fronts, but I pretty much went into a massive meltdown of my own.
I sat downstairs, sobbing to the hubby as I listened to Chica's crying fit, and just lamented our string of bad luck and the fact that we'd tried it all to no avail. Pediatrician consults, sleep consultants, melatonin varieties, bedtime routine change-ups, night lights, stuffed animals "monster" sprays, blankets, sleeping on her floor, her sleeping on our floor, in our bed, in her chair, crying it out, waiting it out, tough love and coddling.
You name it. We tried it. At a time when I was enormously pregnant and beyond tired, with a hubby shouldering as much of the nighttime battle as he could.
But that Sunday, listening to her cry, I went through a whole new roller coaster of emotions, and yet, all of them concluded with: I have to take a stand She's three. I love her. She's safe. It might be an even longer, more painful process, but we have to get her back on track, somehow.
I suppose my emotional overdrive kept me from reining anything in, so when I went up to talk with her after about half an hour of her wailing, I just let it all show.
I was a blubbering, snotty, overwhelmed and distraught mess. In front of my daughter. And quite frankly, it shocked the heck out of her.
I don't think she's ever seen me in such a state. And I didn't hide a shred of it. I just sobbed to her like an adult and told her that when she cried, I cried, because it made me sad and hurt me that she couldn't be alone in her room.
I told her that Mama didn't want to cry and be sad, and I didn't want her to cry and be sad. I just wanted her to have some peace and quiet for a short time each day in her room.
I ugly cried and talked with her for awhile, rocking her and snuggling her, and telling her how much I loved her. And she stayed pretty silent (but snuggly) for some time--until she told me she didn't want me to cry.
Eventually, I left her in there, just for another few minutes before her sister woke from her nap. And she didn't cry for that few minutes, which was something.
But that evening, she told me several times, unprompted, that she didn't want me to be sad and cry. And the next day, when we went through the same Quiet Time routine and I braced myself for the battle, there was none.
Not only did she not cry, she actually curled up in her bed, and fell asleep, as if the last 6-8 weeks of no-napping hadn't happened. She so seamlessly fell back into her old, comfortable routine.
I was shocked, elated...and skeptical. Until the same thing happened the next day and the next...and here we are ten days later with her perfectly at ease with her Quiet/Nap Time again.
Now, before you start singing the Halleluiah Chorus on my behalf, let me tell you the real kicker (then you can sing louder).
Two days after the Quiet Time breakthrough, the hubby and I decided to take a stand at night, too. And though it took two nights of Chica crying quite a bit at bedtime, she eventually went down...AND SLEPT STRAIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT.
(Pause for a moment of shocked silence.)
This after 6-8 weeks of at least five wake-ups throughout the night. Some night terrors, some nightmares, some taking hours to power through.
I mean, peeps...I can't even properly convey my shock and awe and gratitude.
In such a short time, I feel like our upside down world has righted itself again. Chica is napping most days (and on the non-napping days, happily entertaining herself in her room), is a vastly happier and more agreeable child, and this ginormous weight we've been carrying around has been lifted.
Who would have thought this breakthrough would happen in this way at this time after such a struggle? Certainly not me. I mean, color me shocked.
But beyond shocked, I'm so grateful to have been reminded of some very valuable lessons throughout this difficult couple of months.
First: all tough phases will eventually pass, even if they seem to last a lifetime.
Second: vulnerability with my child isn't a negative. My eldest is very in tune with my emotions, and I truly believe that it was that raw exchange with her that finally broke through and set something positive in motion,
And third: God answered our prayers. Just when I was at the brink, he lessened our household burden, and it's made the sleepless nights with my beloved Baby Boy much easier to take, both mentally and physically, when he's the only nighttime trouble-maker for the time being.
For anybody still reading at this point--sorry for the lengthy tome--thanks for letting me share, as so many of you have kept us in your thoughts of late.
I certainly hope we can rest easy for a bit moving forward (I mean, with at least two out of three kiddos, ha).
And on that note--God Bless Our Sleep, Everyone!
:)
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