The Tween Stage

Okay, peeps.

Last night, Chica and I attended her MIDDLE SCHOOL OPEN HOUSE, in preparation for her electives enrollment, and, man, was it a milestone for the books—and just the push I needed to finally post about this topic that’s on my mind so much, lately:

The TWEEN Life Stage.

If you’d asked me a year, or maybe even six months ago, I would have told you I don’t really buy into this whole idea and cultural representation of a “tween” stage. 

When friends of mine utilized that word in a sentence or general discussion, it was typically fraught with negativity, and mostly just a vocabulary replacement for…

A kid who thinks they’re too big for their britches.

Or a kid who’s trying to grow up too fast.

Or a kid who’s already presenting with “teen” behaviors—again, generally negative—without yet reaching that age of thirteen.

In short, it was pretty much just a negative word thrown in when a parent wanted to explain away, discuss or commiserate the emotional or triggering challenges of raising a kiddo around this age.

And I really wanted none of it.

Fast forward to about a month after the start of this school year, when Chica hit her first discernible milestone of I have nothing in my closet I like and want to wear, but I don’t really know exactly what I like and want to wear right now, I’ll just see it and wear it when I find it…and I knew we were entering unchartered territory.

Since that time, there have been so many little things that all add up to the sum total of a young girl growing up and changing.

And since she’s not at all a little kid anymore, but she’s  also not at all a teenager, I’ve made friends with this “tween” word in a whole new light—the light that I, personally, have chosen to recognize.

I still want none of the negativity associated with the word, but I acknowledge it’s practical and pared down use.

It is, quite literally, at its root, a word to describe The Between.

This amorphous, hard-to-pin-down couple of years of growth and change that’s different for every child in how it presents, in how it paces itself, and in how a child—and a parent, I suppose—muddles through it.

For my girl, that just means a whole lot of uncertainty, as she finds her way—her style, her technology milestones, her social milestones, her physical comfort, her social interactions. And that’s all totally A-okay and to be expected. 

And, of course, how the hubby and I deal with all of the above impacts how Chica deals with it, too. 

As a household, we are definitely on the conservative side—pretty much across the board. But I’ve learned over time that sometimes, that conservative tendency can present itself as distrust in Chica’s eyes.

For example: we might have a no-sleepovers-until-we-know-the-house-and-parents-really-well rule that seems reasonable and has everything to do with not trusting others. But Chica might interpret that as our distrust in her ability to establish safe boundaries in other spaces or distrust in her ability to act appropriately when she’s not with us.

Of course, that’s just one easy example in a laundry list that seems to exist in that Tween space, when the kiddo is generally ready for more freedom, but the parents have to get on board.

And, listen, some things are just a hard and fast no for our household. But other things, we can certainly accommodate—big or small.

In recent months, these are a few of the things we’ve adjusted to allow for Chica’s Tween growth, and to show her we trust her and acknowledge her aging:

A later weeknight bedtime by about half an hour.

The allowance of her occasionally texting her friends via my phone as we prep for the day when she’ll have one of her own (that’s a whole other post for another day).

An easier yes to the sleepover invitations from good friends who are, at this point, well established.

The responsibility of being on her own and/or watching her siblings for short, 15-minute “test” rounds, while the hubby and I run a mostly unnecessary errand—like grabbing coffee.

Each of these things moves the maturity line forward a bit—and pushes up against that parental comfort zone (especially with a firstborn child), but they’re all milestones of growing up.

Can’t stop it.

Can’t slow it.

Can’t reverse it.

It’s going to happen, no matter what.

I have no doubt there will be much to this stage that will hurt my heart, make me sad, make me ache for my girl or for myself, but there is also so much I’m comforted by.

My girl has a good heart.

She has a happy disposition.

She has solid, positive friends (and zero girl drama).

She has many and varied interests.

She has healthy habits and a healthy lifestyle.

She’s a studious and curious kiddo.

She has a solid and happy home life.

She has faith and plenty of people who love her.



All of those things, and so many more, give me hope that we can navigate all of this growth and uncertainty in the same steady way we’ve navigated everything else, so far. 

One day, one step at a time.

There are good things ahead, we can do our part to spin this Tween word in the positive, and, HOLY MOLY, Middle School is just on the horizon!



Much, much more on this topic as life progresses.

Until then, I’ll leave you with the sweetest little rambling I overheard from one of Chica’s little friends last night at the Open House, as it pretty much sums up everything:

“Oh my gosh, I love Middle School, but I hate Middle School. This is so exciting! But I’m so scared.”

Amen, Tween girl. Amen.

We’re all in this together.

Over and out.